


Freud is a Dick

by sanctuary_for_all



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Dick Pics, First Kiss, Fluff, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-09-30 01:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10149920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanctuary_for_all/pseuds/sanctuary_for_all
Summary: He, Alec Lightwood, had just sent his boss, Magnus Bane, adick pic. Ofsomeone else’s dick.Fleeing the country would not evenbeginto be enough of a response to this.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've wondered quite a bit over the years what my first real, proper AU fic was going to be. Never, in all that time, would I have imagined this one. 
> 
> Based on [this](http://reinventlou.tumblr.com/post/158034291877/someone-turn-this-into-a-fic-ill-pay-you-with-my) post.

“ _No_ , Izzy.” Alec hunched his shoulders, voice dropping to a whisper. He didn’t think his co-workers would be too surprised by the conversation – they had _met_ his sister, after all – but the latest round of “You should really meet my daughter/granddaughter/sister/friend….” had just quieted down and he really, really didn’t want it to start up again. “Not again. Promise me.”

“Well, if _you’re_ not going to give your number out to cute boys, _someone_ has to.” She sounded completely unrepentant, and he could practically see the “I am wiser in the ways of the world” face she was no doubt shooting him through the phone. “You won’t go out to clubs with me, you won’t join a dating site. What was I supposed to do?”

Alec sighed, letting his forehead thunk lightly against the desk. “Leave it alone, maybe?” He wanted to be angry, and with anyone else he would be, but this was _Izzy_. If not for her, he’d still be losing his mind trying to be the up-and-coming business executive their parents wanted and convinced he was madly in love with their foster brother Jace.

(Not only had she helped him work through that brief period of high school-era insanity, she’d never breathed a word of it to another soul no matter how mad she’d gotten at him. For that alone, he owed her more than he’d ever be able to repay.)

“You know I can’t.” Her voice gentled, full of the worry and fond exasperation he’d heard from her so often over the years. “I’m not asking you to marry any of these boys, Alec, or even introduce them to your co-workers. But you’ve shut yourself up in this little box, and if you’re never going to ask Magnus—“

“I’m not.” He cut her off, squeezing his eyes more tightly shut at the thought of the man who had first introduced him to the field of cyber security. Who hadn’t made fun of him when Alec had admitted that it made him feel like a hero, instead getting this look of soft understanding that made him feel like it wasn’t such a bad thing to want. Who had gotten him this job, despite a considerable amount of pressure from Alec’s parents and their friends. Who even now, felt like the only person he could really be himself with other than Izzy and Jace.

Who was his _boss_.

“I can’t, Izzy.” He took a deep breath, making himself sit up. He squared his shoulders, the same way he’d always done when he had responsibilities he needed to fulfill. “You know that.”

“I know you feel you can’t, but I’ll leave that alone for now.” Then her tone lightened, taking on a teasing edge. “But only if you show me that you’re not scared of a few boys who think you’re cute enough to text.”

His brow lowered. “I’m not scared.”

“Then write them back.” He could hear the triumph in her voice. “I’m not asking you to flirt, just talk to them like they’re people. If they can’t get past your awkward first stage to see what a great guy you are, they’re not worth your time anyway.”

He sighed again, a common response to Izzy. “Okay, fine. But they need to have _brains_ , Izzy.” He stared down at the text on his phone, which read “u bz?” and the awful smiley face emoji with the tongue hanging out. Magnus, though he sometimes seemed to use every other emoji in existence, never used that one when he texted Alec. “Your current candidate isn’t showing a lot of promise in that area.”

This time, she was the one who sighed. “Okay, I’ll admit my vetting process might not have been as thorough as it should have been last night. I’ll do better next time, I promise.”

They ended the call soon after that, and Alec stared down at his phone. The simplest thing to do would be to just delete the text – surely the guy would get the hint if Alec never wrote him back, right? Not that he knew that for sure, of course – his dating experience involved exactly one college girlfriend, who recognized early on that Alec was so deep in the closet that he was technically half buried in the plaster. Lydia was currently climbing the executive ladder in Chicago, and though he didn’t know if they exactly qualified as friends they still kept in touch.

Before he could hit delete, however, his phone buzzed with another text from Izzy’s mystery man. A picture file, which probably meant he was sending a selfie. Alec knew he should just delete them both, but…. well, he could at least see what the guy looked like. Not so he could continue the conversation, of course, but if he was ridiculous-looking enough he’d have something to tease Izzy about. He clicked open.

It was a penis.

Alec froze. He’d _heard_ of dick pics, of course – Izzy and her friends would sometimes critique them the way professors did works of art – but theoretical knowledge of them had in no way prepared him for one showing up on his phone. At work, mind you, where anyone could look over the top of the cubicle and see him staring down at an erect penis that was right out there for anyone to—

Finally, the sounds of conversation filtered in through his paralysis, immediately making him panic. There were people coming in from the break room, and they’d pass right by his desk any second now, and if they caught him like this he’d be forced to flee the country. He had to delete it, delete it _now_ , and then write the guy back and tell him to forget Alec ever existed.

He hurried to delete the picture, pressing down on the screen hard enough that it not only accessed the pop-up menu but selected the first option as well. Which would have been fine, except that “delete” was the _second_ option on the list. The first was “send to,” an option that automatically filled in the phone number of the last person you’d sent a picture to unless you chose to retype it.

There were only three people he ever sent pictures to. The most recent one, sent two days ago, had been of a cat poster that had made Magnus laugh.

He realized what was happening only as the “send to” screen popped up, and it felt like an eternity before the message made it to his thumb. He yanked it off the screen, heart in his throat, just as the “send” icon flashed and the message disappeared.

He stared blankly at the screen, which had mercifully defaulted back to his list of messages. Which was good, because he was too busy hyperventilating to make his fingers do anything but clench the phone so hard it made a dangerous creaking noise. Horror, overwhelming and absolute, turned his insides to ice.

He, Alec Lightwood, had just sent his _boss_ , Magnus Bane, a _dick pic._ Of _someone else’s dick._

Fleeing the country would not even _begin_ to be enough of a response to this.


	2. Chapter 2

“I told you, my dear little cabbage, I can’t do it this year.” Magnus leaned back in his chair, an elegant, expensive maroon creation that far outclassed the stodgy black one it had replaced. “You know how sorry I am, but I can’t be away from the office that long.”

Ragnor Fell, one of Magnus’s oldest friends, sighed dramatically. “I cannot believe I am hearing sentences like that come out of your mouth, Magnus Bane. Tell me you haven’t succumbed to white shirts and ties.”

Magnus made a scoffing noise. “Of course not.” He had received several carefully worded memos about his wardrobe choices since starting to work for the company, all of which he politely ignored. He was too good at his job for them to ever fire, his name alone enough to bring prestige to the company. “But the trip would be just before the annual performance review, and it’s hardly fair to my subordinates to leave them to stress over that alone.”

“Ah.” Suddenly, there was a world of understanding in Ragnor’s voice. “You don’t want to leave your Alexander alone to worry.”

Magnus felt a tug deep inside his chest, the same way he always did at the thought of Alexander Lightwood. “You know how protective I am of my protégés.”

Ragnor made a tsking noise. “Don’t pretend with me, Magnus. Raphael is one of your protégés. Alexander is something else entirely.”

Magnus closed his eyes. He could still see with perfect clarity that night at some dull little accounting firm whose firewalls he had been hired to strengthen. Finding someone had already started the process, he traced it back to a fresh-out-of-college intern toiling away in the IT department. He’d been redesigning the security on his own, with no official training, simply because he’d known it needed to be done.

When Magnus had found him, Alexander had been so utterly certain he’d been about to get in trouble. But he’d stood there square-shouldered, prepared to accept whatever consequences he had to face for doing the right thing, and Magnus had felt himself slip and fall down a slope he’d sworn never to risk again.

Most of his friends and protégés still wondered why he had stopped his far-more-lucrative freelancing work to take a job that would pin him down in one place. They also wondered why he hadn’t dated anyone since taking the position in New York, turning down romantic overtures from a variety of genders in exchange for quiet lunches and late-night conversations that didn’t seem to be heading anywhere.

It was true that Alexander was still firmly in the closet, and there had been no sign yet that he saw Magnus as anything other than a friend. But even the smallest smile from him was enough to brighten Magnus’s day, and the quiet care Alexander showed to those who mattered was a balm to Magnus’s soul that could be matched by nothing else.

“You’re daydreaming again.” Ragnor’s voice had turned rueful. “My fault, I’m afraid. I never should have said his name.”

Magnus scowled at Ragnor, even though he knew the other man couldn’t see it. “I have no idea why I’m still friends with you.”

Ragnor laughed. “My perceptiveness, darling.”

Mercifully, the call ended soon after that, and Magnus pulled the phone away from his ear to discover that he’d received a text message from Alexander. Annoyed at Ragnor all over again for making him miss it, he immediately clicked to open whatever picture Alexander had just sent him.

It was a penis.

Magnus blinked, thoughts scattering as he tried to process the image in front of him. He’d received any number of dick pics in the decade and a half since he’d turned 16, along with breasts and a variety of other bare body parts, but he was having trouble wrapping his head around the idea that Alexander would _send_ one. Not only was he… uncomfortable with making his sexuality known, he followed a deeply honorable code of conduct that put medieval knights to shame. He simply couldn’t imagine Alexander doing something so… ungentlemanly.

Also, it seemed rather... small, given the way Alexander filled out a pair of slacks. 

Isabelle Lightwood, however, would send someone a dick pic in a heartbeat. She was also perfectly capable of stealing Alexander’s phone to do it, which would explain the presence of the one currently on Magnus’s phone. Unfortunately, any plan that required her to send a dick pic to Magnus probably also included sending one to several other gentlemen of the appropriate age and sexual preference, some of whom might not approach the matter as carefully and respectfully as Alexander deserved.

He called Alexander’s number, deciding he would try to talk her out of whatever her plan was before resorting to tracking the phone. It rang several times before it finally picked up, plenty of time for her to send out several unfortunate texts, and Magnus couldn’t keep the frustration out of his voice when she finally picked up. “Isabelle, I do—“

“It’s not her.” Alexander’s whisper, which carried all the embarrassment and misery of the world in it, was enough to yank the metaphorical rug out from under Magnus’s feet. There was a quiet thunk that sounded like his head hitting his desk. “Thank you for thinking it was her, but it wasn’t.”

That… was rather more of a shock. “ _You’re_ the one who sent me the—“

“ _Don’t say it_ ,” Alex pleaded. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. If you want to fire me, I understand.”

“Of course I’m not going to fire you,” Magnus assured him, feeling his heart start to pound. Alexander’s utter mortification was the one circumstance in which the dick pic made sense, an impulsive decision that he had then immediately regretted. Magus himself had done any number of regrettable things over the years while caught up in the tidal wave of passion.

But that suggested… that suggested the passion was there. No matter how much Alexander wished he hadn’t sent the dick pic, it was proof that he’d had an impulse to make a sexual gesture toward Magnus. And for someone like Alexander, a sexual gesture would only be considered if there was a great swell of emotion beneath it.

Magnus’s fingers tightened on the phone. “Perhaps… we should talk about this in person.” It was real effort to keep his voice even. “I believe the soundproofing in my office should be sufficient?”

There was another thunk. “Are you sure you can’t just forgive me from here?”

A rush of affection and something far deeper made his chest hurt. “Please, Alexander.”

Alexander cursed softly. “Okay.”

After he hung up, Magnus pressed a hand to his chest as if that would be enough to stop the hope from rising up. Needing something to do with his hands, he pulled out his emergency wineglasses and bottle of wine. However this conversation went, he suspected at least one of them would need it by the end.


	3. Chapter 3

For the first time in his life, Alec really understood the concept of seppuku. If there had been a sword anywhere in the immediate vicinity, he would have happily shoved it through his stomach rather than face the conversation he was about to have.

Sadly, there was a significant lack of swords in your average office building. Besides, Magnus had said please, that soft little edge to his voice that meant something really mattered to him, and Alec was as powerless against it as he was Jace’s puppy dog eyes and Izzy’s... Izzy-ness. 

So, deciding that he would unfortunately have to stay alive for the immediate future, he slowly made his way to Magnus’s office. The door was open, not even offering him that last moment of protection, and when he got close enough Alec could see Magnus’s emergency wine glasses on the desk. He normally saved it for particularly unpleasant meetings with management or crying employees, but this time Alec didn’t know whether Magnus was expecting unpleasantness or tears.

Honestly, Alec thought there was probably a good chance of both.

Magnus looked up at just that moment, their eyes meeting, and his face lit in welcome in a way that hurt Alec’s heart. He hurried in, shutting the door behind him, and fought the urge to throw himself at Magnus’s feet. “I’m sorry,” he said again, standing rigid to keep himself from doing anything stupid.  “I swear, nothing like that will ever happen again.”

Magnus hesitated. “It’s... not what I would have expected, it’s true, but we’ve all had moments of impulsiveness.” He waved him into a chair, expression kind enough it hurt. “Sit down, Alexander, please. You look very much like you could use a drink.”

Alec dropped down in the chair opposite his, suddenly feeling even more miserable. Magnus thought _he’d_ gone out and given some random idiot his number, and was showing compassion for his incredible lack of taste. Oh, if only he knew. “It wasn’t my impulsiveness, I promise you. This was all Izzy’s idea.”

“Ah.” Magnus’s voice had a world of understanding in it. “That makes rather more sense. She meant well, I’m sure, but she’s far more comfortable with dramatic gestures than you are.”

“That’s putting it mildly.” Alec leaned forward, watching Magnus’s face and thinking for the first time that there might be a chance he would survive this. Magnus had commiserated with him about Izzy’s schemes before. If he could avoid thinking about the fact that the guy he was in love with didn’t seem to be at all bothered he was getting dick pics from other guys, he would be fine. “Still, I wish she’d never given him my number in the first place.”

Magnus, in the process of reaching for his glass, went absolutely still. “‘Him?’”

Alec froze. Did Magnus not know? How could Magnus not know? Sure, Alec had never said it, not directly, but he’d said some things that definitely alluded to it. Magnus had always responded with equally indirect but deeply comforting things, and since he was the reason Alec had Googled “pansexual” in the first place he’d always sort of assumed they had an understanding. Had he just sent Magnus a dick pic _and_ outed himself in the space of an hour?

And if Magnus hadn’t known he liked guys, how in the hell did he think a stranger’s dick pic had ended up on his phone?

“It was an accident.” Alec reached out to grab Magnus’s hand without realizing it, stopping himself just in time. Still, he couldn’t stop the words from pouring out of him. “I didn’t want him to send it, I didn’t even _know_ he was going to send it, but when I was trying to delete it I hit the wrong buttons too fast and accidentally sent it to you. I swear to you, I didn’t want _any_ of this to happen.”

“An accident.” The words were quiet, Magnus’s hand still frozen in midair. Then he inhaled, setting his hand down, only to lift it again an instant later and grab his glass. He lifted it, like he was going to take a drink, then set it down again without doing so. He cleared his throat, eyes anywhere but on Alec. “That... Of course. That makes perfect sense.”

Alec just stared, not sure what had just happened but certain it was important. “What... did you think happened?” he asked carefully.

 He could practically see the polite mask settle into place on Magnus’s face as he finally met Alec’s eyes. “It doesn’t matter.” Magnus tried a smile that failed miserably. “We have the matter resolved. There’s no more reason to even think about it.”

Alec may not have been very good at actually communicating emotion – he would rather visit the dentist than talk about his own feelings – but he was surprisingly good at reading emotions in other people. When you had parents who fought all the time and siblings whose moods changed with the tides, it was a necessary life skill. And it made no sense, but right now Magnus looked... “Are you disappointed?”

“That’s ridiculous.” Magnus looked away again, grabbing his wine and taking a long drink. “Why on earth would I be disappointed?”

“I don’t know, but I’ve been watching my parents talk to me for 25 years. I know what disappointment looks like.” Even as he said the words, however, Alec realized he’d misspoken. Magnus looked nothing like his parents had when he’d finally admitted to them that he hadn’t been studying business. No, Magnus looked like Izzy had as a nine-year-old, when she’d realized Mom and Dad weren’t in the audience for her school play the way they’d promised they would be. Back before she’d learned to default to anger, and you could see the heartbreak on her face.

But nothing that had happened in the last two minutes should have caused Magnus to look like that. Unless.... “You _wanted_ me to send you a dick pic?” As soon as he said the words out loud he was horrified with himself, and his brain tripped over itself to figure out a way to soften them. “I mean, I did send you a dick pick, but you didn’t want it to be a—” No, that wasn’t going to help matters. “You thought I had—” No, definitely not that, either.

Mercifully, Magnus clearly wanted him to stop speaking as much as Alec did. “It’s not as if I would have _chosen_ it as your opening gambit, but...” The rest of the sentence trailed away, and he shook his head. “Alexander, please. It will be easier for both of us if we just forget these last few minutes ever happened.”

But this one time, Alec couldn’t give in. The sudden realization of what Magnus hadn’t finished saying was too big, blocking out every other consideration. “But you would have chosen _me_ ,” Alec breathed, stunned.

Magnus looked like he was about to say something, then stopped himself and sighed. “Would still choose you,” he said quietly. “Would always choose you.” Then he took a deep breath, expression perfectly pleasant looking except for a hint of strain around the eyes. That was Magnus’s “I’m bracing myself to do something I don’t want to do” face, and though the details were different the feeling was instantly familiar. “But I would never ask more of you than you wanted to give, which means you have nothing to worry about.” His voice was brisk. “There’s nothing that says our personal or professional relationship has to change. People deal with this sort of thing all the time and remain friends.”

This was the moment Alec needed to say something, to explain that Magnus was reading the situation entirely wrong. But he couldn’t make his vocal chords work, and he couldn’t stand watching the strain around Magnus’s eyes any longer. So he got up, heading for the door.

There was a distressed sound from Magnus. “Alexan—” His name cut off half-finished, probably around the same moment Magnus realized that it hadn’t been the door Alec had been aiming for. It had been the windows, where he carefully twisted each and every set of blinds shut. His hands were shaking.

When he turned around, Magnus was staring at him with wide, wondering eyes. Alec felt like he couldn’t breathe, his heart pounding so hard he was amazed he didn’t pass out. “I’m probably going to be really bad at this,” he managed, warning him.

Before Magnus could say anything, before the fear could take over, Alec strode around Magnus’s desk, bent down, and kissed him.


	4. Chapter 4

Magnus had been kissed thousands of times in his life, possibly even tens of thousands. Not a single one of those kisses had anywhere near the impact of Alexander’s lips against his.

At first it was only a press, but even that was enough to make Magnus gasp. Then Alexander was back, his own lips parting, and their mouths fit together as if they had been designed for that specific purpose. Alexander tasted like coffee and himself, warm and far more delicious than Magnus could have possibly imagined, and they drank each other in like they had just found water in the desert. Alexander’s hands were fisted in his shirt, holding on tight, and Magnus’s heart gave up trying to piece itself back together and gave into free fall.

Alexander pulled back at one point, eyes searching Magnus’s face, and Magnus couldn’t stop himself from stretching upward in an attempt to chase Alexander’s mouth. That seemed to be all the confirmation he needed, diving back in for more, and Magnus greedily welcomed him back. His entire body pulsed in the rhythm of the kiss, like a heartbeat he could feel all the way down to his toes.

When they broke apart for the second time, it took real effort for Magnus to get his breath back. Alexander looked dazed, his own breathing unsteady. He still had a hold of Magnus’s shirt, and no matter how expensive it was Magnus wasn’t about to tell him to let go. “So,” Alexander managed finally, a sudden flicker of hesitation across his face. “That was okay, right?”

“’Okay’ is a ridiculously inadequate term for what that was,” Magnus managed, a little surprised he was capable of forming words. “I’m fairly certain actual poetry would be required to adequately describe what that kiss felt like.”

Alexander’s face lit at that, lips curving in a familiar burst of surprised pleasure that never failed to outshine the sun. Then his expression softened, so tender it stole Magnus’s breath all over again. “I choose you, too,” he murmured. “Just in case I didn’t make that clear.”

Magnus had thought he’d been smitten before, but it was nothing compared to how lost he was now. “I did hope that was what you meant.” He wanted to pull Alexander down into his lap, pull him closer, but he confined himself to capturing his hand as he straightened and let go of Magnus’s shirt. “Dinner?” he asked, tightening his fingers around Alexander’s. “Tonight?”

Alexander smiled again, warm pleasure blossoming over his face. “Willing to risk my cooking?”

Magnus’s chest tightened as he pressed his lips to Alexander’s knuckles, letting him go with the utmost reluctance. “I’ll look forward to it.”

Alexander’s eyes lit again, and he hesitated like he was torn about which direction to move. He decided an instant later, diving back down to steal another kiss off of Magnus’s lips. He pulled back, looking happily drugged. “I should be working,” he murmured, lips hovering ever so close to Magnus’s.

It took every ounce of willpower Magnus had not to just grab him. “I’m sure your boss will understand.”

Alexander smiled, slow and dangerous, then bent back down for another kiss. “You’re a terrible influence.”

000

Eventually, Alexander and Magnus both made it back to work. No one else in the office said a word, though a few people gave Magnus discreet but very specifically-timed thumbs up that made it clear they knew exactly what had happened. At least one of those people also directed a thumbs-up at Alexander, who blushed but didn’t deny the insinuation.

That first dinner turned into two, then three, then five, until it was easier to count the nights they _didn’t_ spend together than the ones they did. After a few weeks of this, Izzy’s number appeared on Magnus’s cell phone just as Alexander hurried into the office. “Do not pick that up,” he said, pointing at the phone. “I am a fully grown adult, and my sister does not get to invite my boyfriend to drinks with her and our brother before I do.”

Magnus’s lips curved upward as he tucked his phone away. “Should I be worried?”

Alexander sighed. “Everyone with sense should be worried about Izzy, but as long as you don’t trust a word that comes out of their mouths we should be fine.” Slowly, he started to smile. “They approve, though, if that’s what you’re wondering. Apparently, I smile enough now that it freaks them out a little.”

Magnus didn’t think he’d ever felt more complimented. “Just tell me where and when.”

The next night found them tucked away in a quiet little club Magnus himself had suggested, Alexander tucked in next to him on one side of the booth while Izzy and Jace shared the other. This was the first time Magnus had actually met Jace, though he’d heard about him, and it was charming seeing Alexander interact with his two siblings. Though Jace and Izzy had both briefly pulled Magnus aside for a “hurt Alec and they’ll never find your body” speech, Magnus hadn’t been bothered. In fact, he’d found it endearing.

At the moment, both Izzy and Jace were pestering them for the story of how they became a couple. “Come _on_ ,” Izzy urged, leaning forward. “I’m sensing that there’s an epic story here, and it’s _killing_ me that I don’t know it.”

“I’m not suffering quite that badly, but you know I’m gonna get it out of you eventually,” Jace added, looking amused. “If nothing else, I’ll need to know it for my best man speech at your wedding.”

“If you even _think_ about telling this story at our wedding, I’m going to pick Max for my best man.” Alexander’s eyes widened as the last word left his mouth, as if he’d just realized what he said, and glanced over at Magnus with a hesitant expression. Magnus, already quite comfortable with the idea of marrying Alexander – it wasn’t time _yet_ , of course, but it would be – just smiled at him and took another sip of his martini. Alexander smiled back at him, squeezing his leg, then returned his attention back to his siblings.

Izzy looked even more excited, having leapt upon the implication that the story was juicy enough that Alexander didn’t want it shared. “Now you _have_ to tell me.” She turned to Magnus. “You’ll tell me, won’t you? You look like a man who understands the importance of a good story.”

“I also understand that Alexander is the one I’m taking home tonight,” Magnus said, amused. “Whether or not the story gets told is entirely up to him.”

She turned back to her brother, drawing an x over her heart. “I won’t tell anyone else. I swear it.” When Jace didn’t immediately jump in to do the same, she glared at him. “Jace swears it, too.”

Alexander raised an eyebrow at Jace, who sighed and drew the x over his heart. “Fine. I swear it.”

Alexander leaned forward. “And if I hear _anything_ about either of you telling _anyone_ , certain embarrassing childhood pictures will immediately be posted across all social media sites.”

Izzy looked delighted, like she was genuinely impressed by the threat, but Jace narrowed his eyes. “I _burned_ those,” he said darkly.

“You burned some of them,” Alexander countered, looking adorably pleased with himself. “I have several copies.” He leaned back, leaning his lips close to Magnus’s ear. “Jace had a goth period in junior high,” he whispered. “Black lipstick and everything.”

Izzy’s grin widened as she pressed a kiss against Jace’s cheek. “He looked so _cute_.” Then she turned back to Alexander. “And you just earned ten Evil Mastermind points, which is just as adorable.” She made a “give it to me” gesture. “Now spill. I want all the details.”

Alexander smiled slow, waiting a few beats to let anticipation build. “Remember the dick pic that friend of yours sent me?”

In the silence that followed the question, the two siblings looked only more confused. “What?” Jace asked, turning to Izzy. “You had people send him _dick pics_?”

Izzy, however, had skipped ahead of the confusion and gone straight to indignant. “How?” She leaned forward, eyes wide. “And how dare you not tell me? Immediately!”

Alexander shrugged. “I texted you that the dick pic the guy sent changed my life.”

“I thought you were being _sarcastic_!” She threw her hands up in the air. “What else was I supposed to think? It wasn’t even a very good penis!”

Alexander shot Magnus an amused smirk. "I should probably be offended you thought that was mine, by the way."

Magnus winked at him. "I never should have doubted you." 

The siblings were too distracted to notice the exchange. "You had people send him _bad_ dick pics?” Jace sighed, dropping his forehead into his hands. “I _told_ you I should be the one responsible for getting him laid.”

"You weren't trying hard enough!" Izzy snapped. 

"Thankfully, neither of you have to worry about that anymore." Magnus just smiled, leaning closer to Alexander. “I'm putting all my energies toward taking care of Alexander in that area.”

Alexander grinned, stretching his arm out behind Magnus. “Yes, he is.”

Jace sighed. "It's a little disgusting how adorable the two of you are." 

Though both siblings eventually heard the whole story about the dick pic, neither said a word about it at the wedding. They both, however, were quite happy to share it with their nieces and nephews when they came along.

**Author's Note:**

> Come check out my new original fiction on my [blog](http://jennifferwardell.blogspot.com) or say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://sanctuaryforalluniverses.tumblr.com)!


End file.
